you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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