Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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