i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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