Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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