i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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