Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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