I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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