i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
