Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
