i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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