After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
