I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
