everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize