saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
