Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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