She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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