Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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