Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize