So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
