i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
