i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
