So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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