so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
