Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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