I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
