I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
