Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
