Plan B is the new Plan A
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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