Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
