Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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