the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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