After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
