the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
