Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
