I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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