i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
