The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
