yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
