Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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