you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
