He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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