9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is wine microwaveable?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
