did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
