what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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