hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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