The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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