just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
