Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I want a musical about memes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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