The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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