OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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