It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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