dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
