I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
