Your mouth is God's brothel.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
