are you still at the devil's house?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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