So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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