Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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