your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pants are for mortals
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