Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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