Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
