A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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