i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
