It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what day is it and did you see me today?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
