I got chris browned last night
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
