im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
