drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize