can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
