You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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