but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
