Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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