Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize