I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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