so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
