We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
