i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize