I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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