he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
